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Some people realize, "Oh, he's being a fool just to wake us up." Other people say, "What is he doing?"
That's the right kind of enthusiasm: kinda dorky, kinda fake, but it keeps us all awake.
We are required to do math because we live in space and we like living.
Our favorite units will be furlongs per millennium.
Gravity: One of my favorite forces, because we no longer need velcro on our shoes.
I can take the concepts from math 106 in late September or early October for two and three variables, apply it to 2400 variables, and make lots of money.
Not that I walk around cracking other people's knuckles -- that's considered rude, especially on the subway.
They mow the grass every five minutes. It goes back to the Depression work-study and they never changed the rules.
I'm gonna ride two unicycles. They call it a bicycle.
You're right; that should be Y squared... It's getting close to lunch. Soon it'll be Y to the ham sandwich.
One of the goals of teaching is to be somewhat patronizing, if not condescending.
I would now trust this equation for a guppy. I would not trust it for a cat. I would have to do lots of tests for, say, Grandma.
If I could easily graph it, I wouldn't have to bother with calculus.
I read "Hessian," I think, "Why are 2 x 2 matrices invading our country?"
If I could check the entrails of a goat to find the surface of this function, I would.
Yes, dweeb humor at its finest!
Easy to compute, but dripping with meaning.
If you wanted to plant soybeans in Alaska, you'd be foolish.
People hunting macedons were clearly worried about these things.
Archimedes knew about adding up thin things -- until the Romans killed him.
Now we're going to use volumes with a vengeance.
You're a dumb animal! You don't know calculus! There are prerequisites!
Education -- ha! -- is not for everything. I draw the line at chipmunks.
It's a myth that cold causes cold. It's germs. You're college students, so you live in cessbowls of germs, so you're doomed no matter what.
High school teachers never get to "Oh!" -- it's just "you're being graded."
Pedagogical spinach: It's good for you.
For that mistake, minus one, minus two. If I had a bad lunch -- minus 100!
If I can write this area as a double integral involving a volume -- even if it's an area -- I win.
This is an avant-garde living room. You want to know how much shag carpeting you need to carpet your avant-garde living room.
Imagine you are living in the middle of nowhere, which you are.
Every week, it's like a test. I mean a party! Those things just mix together in my head.
It's illegal to hop in Massachusetts.
If you don't know how to calculate these, you're just not gonna have fun for the rest of the semester.
We are going to assume, correctly, that the world is flat, which it looks like in Amarillo, Texas.
This also works with water; ask Columbus.
It's like if you're a doctor and you go, "Oh right, it's two kidneys and one liver."
The integral of x3dx = the integral of cow3dcow if cow is a variable.
It sounds like a sleazy answer, but it's not, and I could pedagogically justify it.
This will happen in a few months, when the temperature is 75 but becuase of the wind chill, it's minus 9.
Eventually you will be able to say well duh, but getting to the duh stage takes a long time.
An apple a day keeps the doctor away -- that's probably not true. They're not bad -- it's not like a cigarette a day.
That's because I, as everyone now realizes, am a doofus.
This would be perfectly normal if we were Venutians, because there are rivers of hydrochloric acid on Venus.
[opens exterior door] And you see the person hiding their application to the University of Miami...
Lots of people in Soule speak Korean -- I don't know what it is -- on the streets -- little kids -- must be special training.
What we were using last class is someone that rarely visits us: our friend ELMO.
It would be more impressive if you biked in with a pizza.
Nobody sang the song about infintesimally small boxes -- go figure.
I grant that if one of us fell into a vat of lead, it would not be good for us.
The right way of reading math is not to read it, but to develop the argument on your own [that's wisdom, not humor]
Elmo being our box is multifunctional.
This is hard, and there's wierdness going on.
All these reduce to the fundamental theorem of calculus. It's kinda like the only game in town.
No one ever says WLOG, but they should. I will start. In fact, I will stop using sentences. I will just use acronyms.
Existential angst -- ha! -- who needs it? It's more like, "I feel pretty, oh so pretty, I feel pretty and happy..."
With our primitive sound technology, nothing is screaming to us about partial derivatives.
In Venutian, they'd go "wah wah wah" -- means "no problem."
If venutians didn't have flippers, if they had hands, they could follow this.
Farmer Joe is trying to enclose a field using Stokes' Theorem.
Yes, I'm foreshadowing using the English language.
If you took a bucket of vector fields and reached into that slimy mess and pulled one out, it would not have this property.
Today, we're going to do all of physics.
This works with speeds and sizes we're used to -- balls, baseball bats, cats...
In the 1960s, "you troglodite" was a popular insult on playgrounds.
I'm sure electricity was discovered as soon as people invented cats in the wintertime.
If you want to win the Nobel Prize, find a theoretical model for high-temperature superconductivity. [good advice]
Lightning is impressive. Static electricity on a cat is not. [do you sense a theme?]
Einstein's paper was not called, "Special Relativity, look at my hair."
You were calculating the surface integrals of planes, maybe cylinders. Rarely the surface of an albatross.
You think, "hyperbolic cosine? I think I'm on the wrong path!" And you see the gates of Hell looming.
Telephones are not weird objects, but they are magical.
I might be wandering the halls, looking for change...
[we'll leave it at that]
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